If this is what friends are meant, to be hurting you with the things they said, then I rather be on my own. It just breaks people's hearts when such thing hits on your face, making you stumble and fall, breakdown and cry. I wish I could just shook my head, smile and then walk away. But I can't. Why? Because I care. And I wonder how I look in your eyes. Maybe a selfish person who cares only about her happiness. I wouldn't say goodbye to you, because I still love you. For so many years I've known you, there has never been a time which I felt regretful for knowing you. It makes my life worthwhile. I know it. Because I feel it too. Haven't you feel the same way too? Unless you have changed your perspective, then fine. Take it as I slapped my own mouth.

Sometimes I just wonder if people wants to get information, why can't they just ask from me? Instead of going 千山万水 to get the tweeny weeny little bit of information, isn't it better to get it out of my mouth? I just can't understand why friends do that. Not that I don't want my friends to share information, but wouldn't it be better to ask me right in my face why I do not have time for you? I will explain it to you. But now? Assuming things by yourself? Holy sheesh! Look what you've done! And mind you, I didn't INDULGE myself in relationship right now, because my focus is on friends. You got it? FRIENDS! Friends who need me more than you do RIGHT NOW. Not that I am trying to mean that you don't need me, but I still have others friends right? But because I know you will understand me, and because I've explained this to you before, I know you'll understand that I will come back to you when I have settle the things that are occupying me now, or, at least I thought you would understand. I just can't tell you how heartbroken I have been when I saw that msg that you 'accidentally' sent over. How am I supposed to react? To take it as I didn't see it? Or pretend that it's just an annoymous message from someone whom I didn't know? Have you ever consider my feelings? How can I hover between ALL my friends. You know it's impossible. Why didn't you understand that and grant me the time before I come back to you? And the insecureness in me that I will feel, to be talked without knowing?

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I've gave you all my lunch time. I've been questioned by the girls why I am not having lunch with them. Simply because I think you are important. Or even be more important than them, considering the years that we have known each other and the bond that we shared between us. I didn't want you to continue this because I want to explain to him myself. I am not blaming you anything but you've called yourself blabblemouth. What's the point? Have you given me the benefit of doubt? DID YOU? Have I said I didn't trust you? DID I? SINCE WHEN DID I DID THAT? THERE'S THIS PART OF ME WANTING TO SCREAM RIGHT IN YOUR FACE! HAVE I EVER SAID THAT? OR DO YOU THINK I WILL EVER SAY THOSE KIND OF THINGS?! WHAT AM I IN YOUR EYES OR EVEN YOUR HEART!! I DIDN'T KNOW SUCH THINGS CAN ESCALATE TILL THIS STAGE AND I'VE BECOME SUCH PERSON IN YOUR MIND. That shows how much you understands me, or rather, how much we've drifted apart. I want to scream right at you because you should know very well that I'll never say such things, but why did you think I will accuse you in such ways? WHY DID YOU EVEN THINK THAT WAY? It just makes me wanna die. You're just slowing killing me.

Are we really not meant to be? If that's what you mean. I guess that is why people often say only your loved ones can hurt you the deepest.

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